The annual celebration of motherhood is just days away and, as is custom with holidays that have enjoyed mass commercialization, merchants are poised to present you with the best in Mother's Day giving.
If you are a father who is at a loss for the perfect gift for the mother of your children, below is a list of things actually recommended by various sites, and you should by no means listen to them.
They are as follows:
1) The large blue stained glass star pictured above. It costs $150, it is recommended for mothers by Wisconsinmade.com, and it is pure awfulness.
2) Also pictured above, a double dry food dispenser (as recommended by mothersdaycentral.com) because easier access to Smart Start is not really the best way to show your love and appreciation (though it may work for a doting dog or OCD aunt).
3) Gifts.com suggested enrolling your favorite mother in the Cheese of the Month club. Now, please do not mistake me when I say I love, love, love cheese (especially with wine and sleeping children), but this is NOT a good gift. Many of us are counting points, eating boxed lunches, or trying to figure out how the heck not to fall off the Bean....we do not need something like this to work against us.
4) The plug collecting lawn aerator is listed as one of the "Top Gifts for Mother's Day" according to gifts.com. Pictured above, it is a great way to ensure some quiet time for yourself....if you give this to your wife, she may not speak to you until next Mother's Day.
5) And finally (though there are still plenty of mistakes to make out there), I give you the most unbelievable suggestion of all: new wallpaper for her desktop. Annie of annieshomepage.com, who claims to be "crazy about graphics", believes this is a gift most women would want. I would have to disagree.
If you have already ordered any of the above "gifts", hide them, give them away, or set them on fire. Check back in tomorrow for my top 10 list of the best ideas for moms this Mother's Day (at least according to a certain know it all whose name rhymes with pristine).