Monday, May 5, 2008

Celebrity Mommies

A Pulitzer Prize winning publication out of Long Island, Mingling Moms, has named Dina Lohan (mother of Lindsay and her "yet to be corrupted but almost there" sister, Allie) as one of the Island's top 20 moms in honor of Mother's Day. Other mothers who are on the list (and certainly embarrassed over their inclusion) are the mothers of the Baldwins, Billy Joel, and Natalie Portman.

When questioned about the magazine's "interesting" choice in Dina Lohan, a representative for the publication defended:

"We’re just honoring celebrity moms on Long Island.
It’s something for Mother’s Day. It’s a list of mothers from Long Island who
have raised superstar children."

In the event that you live on Long Island, yet failed to make the list despite
your amazing mothering ability (shout out to Mama Cruickshank), aim to do the
following in time for next year's list:

1) Strip your child of all trappings of reality by forcing them to go to auditions at the tender age of 3 and endure the harsh criticism of casting agents.

2) Enable your children's drug and alcohol abuse.

3) Fake tan...a lot (think oompa loompa)

4) Take every media opportunity to exploit your child and exchange insults with your ex-husband, who deserves a list of his own (oh, and make sure the children are aware of it).

5) Start your own reality television show to systematically, really exploit your children's fame, while also riding their coattails.

Happy Mother's Day!

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