Thursday, June 5, 2008
What does that mean?
I start making stuff up...about someone who reads this blog...and the answers may or may not be accurate.
You've been warned.
Send your responses and a picture to: firstname.lastname@example.org
Wednesday, June 4, 2008
No, not ME....my little lady of a three year old. It seems that, at least lately, she cannot keep her finger out of her nose. I watch in disgust as my sweet little girl goes after the golden delights with the determination of a hound dog on a trail. And, to add insult to injury, when she successfully extracts the buried treasure, she proclaims with delight,
"Mommy, I did it! I got the boogie!" She then beams with delight as she nods her head, murmuring, "Yes, I got you!".
Up until now I have attempted the following three approaches:
1) Passive: "Oh, do you need a tissue?"
2) Humorous: "Oh yuck, boogies are dirty!" (and then I'd playfully grab her hand and tickle her tummy"
3) Direct: "If you keep picking your nose, you will get sick and I'll have to take you to the doctor!"
Of course, nothing has worked.
And now we have the latest incentive for enrolling her in charm school: excessive farting; and her father is completely to blame. Every time she lets out a "backdoor breeze", my husband howls with laughter and gives her a high five...not the kind of reinforcement I'd had in mind.
So now, everytime she does "step on a toad", she proclaims with pride, "I tooted" followed quickly with a Mommy insisted, "'scuze me."
Unlike the nose picking, I cannot reprimand her for doing it, I just have to figure out a way to teach her about manners as they relate to bodily functions. Since the average person breaks wind at least 5 times a day, it's more about finding the right time and place for such things...a lesson I have no idea how to broach.
So, if you have conquered either of the above bad habits, please fill me in....until then, I leave you with this all too appropriate quote from a bumper sticker:
"Children are like farts: your own are just about tolerable but everyone else's are horrendous."
So, this is two days late because Monday was a bit of a tough one, and Tuesday wasn't any easier.
The following poem is dedicated to Melissa for correctly identifying Peter Billingsly, better known as Ralphie from A Christmas Story. Much like last week's winner, I do not know very much about Melissa...which makes writing about her that much more enjoyable.
Sweet Melissa (I thought of the title myself)
Who is Melissa?
Hair of blonde and eyes of blue,
A vegan?, a runner?,
And now a muse too.
She works in an office,
That lives by the trade,
Fretting about stocks, bonds,
And money to be made.
But a natural altruist,
She knows that there's more,
To life and to living,
Than the stock trading floor.
She organized a clothing drive,
For women most in need,
She recognizes goodness,
Ever ready with good deeds.
And maybe she hopes,
That every new day,
Is a chance to do more,
To find meaning in her way.
And I bet she thinks of others,
As much as herself,
And I bet she offers forgivness,
Not putting time on a shelf.
Or maybe there's a higher purpose,
Something there's just no denyin',
Like making fun of her boss,
For wishing he was Ryan.*
*Seacrest, yes, Ryan Seacrest
---Look for the next installment of Guess Who? tomorrow morning at 10 AM.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Comment: What made you pick that name? (With a tone of disgust)
What You Want To Say: I guess that same irrational impulse that led your mother to acknowledge you.
What You Could Say: Well, considering how rude and thoughtless people can be, I wanted to give her a strong and distinctive name.
What You Should Say: Because it's almost as beautiful as she is...but I guess that is obvious.
She smiled when the pony arrived.
She smiled when the cake was lit.
She smiled when the bubbles were blown.
She smiled when the balloons were dropped.
And she definitely smiled when the presents were unwrapped.
And at a 6:45, she was still smiling as she drifted off to sleep...
I practically floated down the stairs, thinking to myself that, at last, the terrible twos must certainly be behind us....what a perfect feeling.
Apprently the age of 3 and one day is also known to be pretty terrible. Monday was filled with tantrums, no nap, and further evidence of what I like to call The Garndparent Grumpies.
The Grumpies are essentially the days following a period of indulgence by the grandparents, or other doting family members. For an extended period of time, the chilldren bask in the adulation and adoration of family (replete with gifts, loves, and full attention), only to suffer withdrawl like symptoms commonly felt by the likes of a Paper Moon.
Every time we go to visit my parents in the Greater DC area, I have to expect the 2-3 days following the trip to be pretty grumpy....a complete detox from Grandma's refusal to say no, Grandpa's excessive tickling and chasing, and the treats. MY GOD THE TREATS!
SO, that was Monday. Party detox.
And the fact that my daughter's birthday also happens to coincide with the first day of hurricaine season is a pretty interesting commentary as well.
Here come the threes.....
Monday, June 2, 2008
If I were to make a list of lessons I've learned, it might look something like this:
10) If you are going to invite more than a few people, bribe Mother Nature (or Jimmy Dean) to keep it sunny. There is nothing like a little rain to send droves of youngins into your vulnerable home and then watch the cake kick in.
9) Keep your expectations in check. Unless you are a kindergarden teacher, the party may not work like a well oiled machine. Plan a loose schedule and try to be flexible when the inevitable disasters / disruptions / and trips to the Emergency Room ensue.
8) Presents may be a good after-party. I know there are mixed feelings about this, but convincing a horde of kids to watch while another kid gets great toys they might not be ready to share is only a job for Supernanny.
7) Games: proceed with caution. Try to pick something that will appeal to a wide range of ages and personality types and consider keeping all the prizes the same to eliminate jealousy. I once was put in charge of games at someone else's party and made candy the prize. The result: two 5 year olds became Ultimate Fighting Champions over a red ring pop....yikes.
6) Remember: The party is not about your ability to throw a fun, creative, and peer approving kid party. It is about your kid having a good time and feeling extra special on a special day.
5) Take advantage of party professionals. Whether you are hiring Cinderella or hosting it at Chuckie Cheese / The Little Gym /or some amusement place, putting the entertainment in someone else's hands will significantly help your party blood pressure.
4) Favors*: I am always so impressed with the hostesses who have a special bag that is age and gender appropriate for all the party attendees (shout out to Vida and Karen). Unfortunately, I am never that organized and so I went with an idea I stole from Susan: themed cookies. Though I am not sure the parents were pleased with even more sugar, it certainly kept things simple.
3) Timing: If your child usually naps, or if they struggle with consistent naps, take that into account when planning their party. Ideally, you'd love for them to awake from their naps, refreshed and ready to party....but what if they miss it amid all the excitement? Meltdown city by the time you usher in the cake.
2) Be flexible with your guest list. We're all busy and things come up (especially colds); and so do not get upset when guests have to bail at the 11th hour. Though the planning of the party may have consumed your week, it is just one party of many and your friends and family will make it to as many as they can. A declined invitation is not a personal affront to your child....let it go.
1) If you (and by you, I mean me) come up with the brilliant idea of having your husband dress up like a horse to give the kids horsey rides, expect that the image of a grown man donning a matted mane and large horse teeth may not appeal to some little ones (especially your own). "Pony up" (oh, that was awful) and go for the real deal. Pony rides are never old and my little girl has not stopped talking about it (or the fact that it created the equivalent of the Yangtze River in our back yard).
Of course, I still made a ton of mistakes when orchestrating yesterday's events, but I am so okay with it because the most important person of the day never stopped smiling.
****Does anyone have a great favor idea???? I am looking to create a good list. Please, please, please send them to: email@example.com
HOLLYWOOD - The producers of the Sex and the City movie are so convinced it will be a hit, they have already begun planning for a sequel. The movie's star, Sarah Jessica Parker--who has been filming the big-screen version of the hit comedy in New York City for the past two months--is said to be eager to exercise the sequel option written into her contract, which stipulates she will reprise her role as Carrie Bradshaw should studio bosses plan a film follow-up.
An on-set source tells British newspaper The Mail on Sunday, "The producers are already working on a script for a second movie--they are so convinced the first will be a hit. They are exercising the sequel option in all of the stars' contracts. "They want it to be a franchise and think they can stretch it over at least three movies."
Father of: Olivia (3y) and Joseph (346d)
What You Did Before You Were Someone’s Daddy: Whatever I wanted, with permission from my wife.
What You Do For Yourself Now: Read IBD at night and check my Fantasy Baseball League.
What is your favorite thing about being a father? Knowing that when I come home from work, I’ll always have a little girl who will ask “Daddy, what do you got for me?” and a son who will laugh hysterically at the sight of me.
What is the one thing you wish you’d known before you had children? How much foul language I used, which I know have to censor
Who are your go-to people when you have parenting questions? The administrator of this fine blog.
What is the one thing your child(ren) do that always makes you smile? Talking to my daughter on the phone, watching my son attack food like Godzilla does Tokyo, and when they both toot.
Who is your favorite fictional mother? Angelina Jole (she’s not real)
If you could be someone you know for a day, who would it be? Ryan Seacrest
If you could ban people from doing something, what would it be? Going to see the Sex In The City movie.
Special thanks to amanda-inthetrenches for inspiring me with the slideshow effect.
And by everyone, I also mean the farmhands whose supply of tractors and school buses further enhanced the party's overriding theme.