Friday, September 19, 2008

Battle of the Sexes

As my two children continue to grow and develop (against my wishes....they'll be teenagers before I know it), the apparent gender differences are becoming more and more evident with each passing day.

I first mentioned how my daughter loves to play with her dolls while my son, in turn, prefers to dismember them.

Some other differences:

1) If she gets even the smallest drop of water on her clothes, she demands a wardrobe change. In contrast, my the more soiled my son's diaper, the faster he runs from me. (I think he prefers his own stench....such a man already).

2) My daughter loves to build towers of blocks as high as she son prefers to knock them down (accompanied with an appropriate grunt).

3) My daughter loves, loves, loves to wear dresses, especially those that twirl when she spins (and the pinker the better). My little man? One word: nude.

4) When we are outside playing and the neighbor's dogs bark at us, my daughter runs and squeals. My son, however, proceeds to bark back at them for an extended period of time (and I'm pretty sure they understand each other).

Tastefully Simple

Though the words "tasteful" and "simple" are rarely used to describe me ("inappropriate" and "confusing" are more precise), last night I hosted a Tastefully Simple party, led by the beautiful Beth, and attended by some of my favorite moms.

Today, consequently, I awoke a few pounds heavier and enduring a slightly annoying headache (the latter had nothing to do with the tasty food and everything to do with the wine).

Anyway, I've mentioned Beth and the Tastefully Simple food line before as a great source of food to use when cooking with your kids. Not only is it delicious, but the simple directions and the convenient ingredients are perfect for little hands and little mouths. Coincedentally, I just read an article in the New York Times outlining a series of tips to help encourage young, often reluctant eaters:

In addition to offering variety and avoiding threats, the article also recommended getting kids safely involved in the goings on of the kitchen, instead of always shooing them off.

So....if you're interested, contact Beth at and tell her you like to read blogs and eat good food.

She'll hook you up.

Finally, shout out to Beth and last night's attendees: Lori, Stacey, Susan, Debbie, Beth, Kelly, Liz, Rachel, and Nancy.

And for those who turned down the ready...I never break a promise.

Guess Who?

With lightning speed the lovely Lydia (who also provided the piece below), correctly identified this week's Guess Who? as Polly Holiday, or "Flo" from the television sitcom Alice.

Given Lydia's quick identification this week and Amanda-in-the-trenches fast one last week, I do believe it's time for me to step up my game.

Next week will promise to be a doozie...minus the grits.

Guess Who?

Out of the Mouths of Babes

This was sent to me by the lovely Lydia, whose own adorable grandchildren provide endless opportunities for cute quotables.

Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?

1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?

1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

What ingredients are mothers made of ?

1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?

1. We're related.
2. God knew s he likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What kind of little girl was your mom?

1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?

1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?

Why did your mom marry your dad?

1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house?

1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to because dad's such a goof ball.
2. Mom . You can tell by room inspection. She sees the20stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.

What's the difference between moms & dads?

1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power 'cause that's who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend's.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your mom do in her spare time?

1. Mothers don't do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your mom perfect?

1. On the inside she's already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?

1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd get rid of that.
2. I'd make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.

Just a mention....

If you have a child in high school who's considering continuing on the road to higher education, you may want to check out this recent story .

Out of the Mouths of Babes

My sister-in-law (who happens to be a fair skinned, red-headed Italian....yes, they do exist) just shared the following exchange she had with her olive complexioned son:

"Why are you pink and not brown?"

Anyone want to take that one?

Out of the Mouths of Babes

My daughter just told me hay is for horses.

I love preschool.

Quote of the Day

"Siblings are the people we practice on, the people who teach us about fairness and cooperation and kindness and caring - quite often the hard way." ~Pamela Dugdale

Picture of the Day

"I, who have no sisters or brothers, look with some degree of innocent envy on those who may be said to be born to friends." ~James Boswell

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Thursday, September 18, 2008

Not Slogging!!!!

I am just overwhelmed with work that actually pays me (imagine that?).

I'll be back on track tomorrow.

Oh, and since I should, I guess I'll share with everyone a little interesting fact about writing....

Those people on the weight loss info-mercials and in ads telling their unbelievable stories of weight loss....well, I get paid to write those stories.

Oh, and to further awaken your inner-cynic, there are also tons of companies who hire people to go on "costumer-reviewed" marketplaces (amazon, bizrate, mysimon, etc.) and write up fake reviews of their own products. To avoid the paid endorsements, just look for a bunch of reviews posted on the same day/week.

Quote of the Day

"The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn't been, and until the end of the world there will not be, another child like him." -Pablo Cassals

Picture of the Day

I think this one speaks for itself.
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Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Another birthday...another gift.

Happy birthday to my grandpa, who received the greatest birthday present anyone ever could just a few years mother.

I love you!

Birthday Wishes....

To the youngest, most fabulous mother I know....

May the many wonderful genes you've bestowed upon me include the blessing of a wrinkle-free future.

Happy Birthday, Bama!!!

Beverly Hills, 90210

Dylan McKay is the father.

Now I can stop watching.

This week.

Quote of the Day

"The test of the morality of a society is what it does for its children." - Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Picture of the Day

Now why didn't Andy Reid put #56
in to cover T.O?. ...all 12 pounds of him.

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Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Out of the Mouths of Babes

While enjoying one of our typically deep conversations with little Lily (I believe this one was about the significance of the letter "I"), I detected the scent of an offensive odor. I turned to my son, stationed next to me and said, "Did you poop?"

At that very moment, little Lily's mother entered the room, causing Lily to remark, "No, it's just my Mommy."


Special thanks to Nurse Julie for catapulting me to such a lofty position.

And thank you in advance for your support of THIS.

Quote of the Day

"I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift would be curiosity." – Eleanor Roosevelt

Monday, September 15, 2008

Forever Newlyweds

About twice a year, my husband's friends and we (their wives) get together for a challenge unlike any other: The Newlywed Game.

At this anticipated event, couples vie for first place while revealing the highs, the lows, and the oh-so-embarassing secrets about their life as a couple. (And yes, the word "whoopie" is used....ew, ew, ew).

Needless to say, I lose track of how many times tears run down my face from the laughter. It is truly a great exercise in laughing at yourself (and your friends) while also having a fun night out with adults.

I will never reveal any of the moments of the night. It's a rule, and I would never throw one of my girls under the bus (their husbands are spared by default) because we may all be acquaintances by default (the husbands all grew up together), we have become friends by fortune.

But I got permission for this one.....

The host of this particular party is one of the most amazing people on the face of the planet: the fabulous Karen. As host, Karen not only organized the event and provided food and drink, but she also supplied the prize for the winning couple (shout out to Beth the Lawyer and Sean Diddy Combs Carter). Needless to say, the only gift truly appropriate for such a contest would obviously have to come from the local adult candy factory: Fantasy Gifts.

Securing said items is not so obvious, however. As a suburban mother and perfectly classy lady, Karen is one of the last people I'd expect to see there (and yes, I might expect to see others...again, never tell, never tell), but off she went to find something for the winners.

As she entered the store, the cashier and limited patrons immediately let their glances linger as she pushed the door open, the bells in the shape of certain anatomy heralding her entrance. She was feeling more than a little awkward as the people continued to stare while also trying to conceal their own potential purchases.

Head down, keep your head down.

She swiftly (well, as swiftly as she could) headed for the back of the store so she could strategize her movements with limited visibilty and humiliation. Of course, the cashier wasn't about to let that happen:

"Can I help you with something, hon?"

She's not talking to me. I'll just keep staring at this interesting umbrella...wait, that's not an umbrella....what the?

"Hon, can I help you find something in particular?"

Drat. Her plans had been spoiled by a persistent salesperson. Keep your head down, keep your head down.

"'m good."

"Well, we're having a sale..."

"Good! I mean, I'm good! Thanks..." Please stop talking to me, please stop talking to me. Is that a tennis racket?

"Well, it's just that, if you haven't been here before that is..."

"NO! no, no....I've never been here before...just looking for a friend...."

This claim caused the other patrons to chuckle, she's apprently stumbled on the excuse of choice for Fantasy Gifts regulars. She allowed her face to turn the same shade of crimson as the Naughty Firewoman ensemble and quickly ducked into the book aisle (at least then she could argue that research had brought her to this den of iniquity).

She grabbed a small book about something offensive (with pictures, for the husbands) and literally jogged to the register, making sure to avoid eye contact. Again, the patrons laughed, only this time more obviously.

She started to become angry. What's so funny about me? I'm a confident, intelligent woman who shouldn't have to explain myself to these people. I should be laughing at them.

And then it happened. She caught her reflection in one of the many, many mirrors surrounding the store.

"So how far along are you?" asked the overly helpful cashier.

"Um, seven months. Could I get a bag for that?"

As she tore out of the store, she decided she'd let he husband pick up the beer and wine.

Out of the Mouths of Moms

So, we're at the park today and I ran into another mom who I have met 1,000 times, but we don't really know anything about one another except for the fact that we play and shop at the same places.

She is easy to talk to, has two cute boys, and I bet we'd be friends if either one of us made any effort to remember the other's name.

I haven't seen in her a while, but when she approached me she was as nice as ever and we quickly caught up. As our conversation took a pause, she kind of looked me over and said, "You know, you look great. I guess the last time I saw you must have been right after you had your son."



Shout out to Liz, for enabling my problem.

She forwarded me this:

The father of Kelly’s 4-year-old son Sammy will finally be revealed on Tuesday’s episode of 90210, PEOPLE has learned. And Brenda will be the one spilling the beans!

Brenda (Shannen Doherty) and Kelly (Jennie Garth) will be having a serious conversation about Sammy’s dad when Brenda reveals his name.
In another twist, the show’s executive producer Gabe Sachs told PEOPLE that there’s a “possibility” the baby’s father could appear on a future episode.

Who it could be? So far, Kelly has mentioned she knew him in high school and they have history together. The couple went their separate ways, but hooked up four years ago. Since then, he’s been out of the picture. In the series premiere, Kelly took a 3 a.m. phone call from Brandon who is now living in Belize . Their late-night talk was interrupted when Sammy walked in.

Perhaps another clue? Sachs and fellow executive producer Jeff Judah already
know who they wanted to be the father, and also discussed it with Garth.
He said Doherty and Garth were great about the news and had a lot of fun. “The two of them love being in on secrets,” he said.

Fans will be in on the secret when it’s revealed Sept. 16, 8 p.m. ET on the CW

Quote of the Day

"Parents send their children to college either because they went to college, or because they didn't." -L.L. Hendren

Picture of the Day

The playground swing:

the perfect answer to a child's desire to soar,

and a mother's chance to enjoy a moment of standing still.

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