Thursday, May 15, 2008

Then Vs. Now

Though my usual Thursday segment of "Then Vs. Now" has been fulfilled thanks to the archives of Parents magazine, an opportunity has presented itself to make an additional comment.

Today marks the joyous celebration of Mike and Amanda's fourth wedding anniversary. I still remember their wedding, and given the countless weddings having taken place among the Heritage Valley Posse over the course of three years, that in itself is a miracle.

I remember practically sitting on John and Pat's lap as we watched them exchange their vows in the sweetest, most intimate chapel. I remember their glowing faces, her gorgeous dress, and the beautiful cocktail hour on the terrace. I remember eating a little, dancing a lot, and maybe even having a cocktail or two. I remember feeling so happy for this promising couple who I was still just getting to know.

It's amazing how some weddings stay with you...Kevin referencing the Gilmore Girls at Pat's wedding, losing my shoe at Kim and Craig's, Vida smiling the entire day at hers, just starting to show in my first pregnancy at Liz and Jason's, and of course, Beth and Sean's reception, where John picked me up on the dance floor ...along with my dress. Nice.

I love waxing nostalgic...and thanks to pictures, videos, and, ahem, blogs...I do now more often than ever.

So here's to the Then vs. Now: WEDDINGS


1) I actually thought seriously about what I would wear.
2) I arrived at the church well before the ceremony to start taking pictures, and I'd linger after to try to steal some more shots over the photographer's shoulder.
3) I tried to come up with something meaningful to write on the card, a card I'd spent 20 minutes in Hallmark picking out.
4) I would linger at the cocktail hour with no regard to time, or what I was eating or how much I was imbibing.
5) I'd chat on endlessly about things that really didn't matter much, while continuing to eat and imbibe.
6) I would consume every dinner morsel on my plate with no regard to calorie or carb.
7) I would dance as long as my legs (and perhaps my liquor) would allow.
8) I would stay until the last possible moment and then unsuccessfully convince my husband to follow the stragglers to another stop to keep the night going.
9) I would return home to a long night of sleep, with no regard to wake-up time or looming obligations the next day.


1) After realizing that I have a wedding the following day, I rummage through my closet to find some semblance of a dress that still fits, bears no spit-up, and does not require extensive ironing.
2) After a list of directions is prepared for the babysitters (one of the two sets of grandparents), I throw on make-up, pretend not to notice my neglected eyebrows and nails, and say a silent prayer that I will discover magical undergarments that will lift, separate, and conceal all of my "problem areas".
3) As we rush out the door, I give kisses while trying to dodge sticky fingers, and we peel out of the driveway like two fugitives heading for the border.
4) 5 minutes from the church and two minutes to the ceremony's start, it occurs to me that I have neither card nor gift.
5) The ceremony itself is a blur caused by the two mile run we had to manage after arriving late and not being able to find a reasonable parking spot.
6) I actually crouch down in the pew to call home and check on the kids.
7) As the bride and groom process out, I take twenty pictures to make up for lost opportunities, only to realize later that I forgot something kind of important: film. No matter...time to call home.
8) We hit CVS between ceremony and reception to grab a card and some cash (who can remember a checkbook?). Dividing the chores, John hits the ATM while I grab a card that looks like it is for some special occasion and, again, only realize later it is for a Bar Mitvah. (I then try to write something funny like "With a couple like you, every celebration should be in your honor" and try to pass off the bad card choice as intentional. I call home.
9) I spend the cocktail hour counting shrimp to stay within my diet's restrictions, all while a single glass of wine goes right to my head due to a somewhat empty stomach. I try to call home but have a hard time figuring out how to dial.
9) By the arrival of dinner, my feet, unaccustomed to wearing heels, have now ballooned to the size of the bride's bouquet as my gut is starting to spill out of my undergarments (aka scuba gear). I'd call home, but the ability to breathe seems to be a requirement.
10) I dance like a cross between Elaine Bennis and Annie on barbiturates as my swollen feet make every step a step closer to certain death. Thankfully, I close my eyes to manage the pain, which saves me from having to face the looks of horror from other guests viewing my spasmodic convulsions.
11) I convince my husband it's time to head home before the cake as my will power is now gone with my sense of pride, and we return home to be in bed by 9.
12) The kids are up at 6.

Congratulations again to Mike and Amanda...and special thanks for including me in your posted wedding pictures. I am now going to burn that dress I have been hoping to one day squeeze back into. Send your own congrats to Mike and Amanda through her site at:


Amanda said...

So,So true. my sister is getting married. I forgot to get her a shower card and had to ask my mom to pick one up. And just about every wedding I've been to I have researched some cool saying or poem to write in the card. My own sister...NADA
Thanks for the congrats

Abbie, Paul, Drew and Charlotte's Web said...

1. You are thinnest I've even known you to be in the last 17 years, stop counting shrimp.
2. God bless "Spanx".