A Trip to the Mall...
A trip to the mall meant meandering through stores in search of whatever. Perhaps a few circles around to really consider my purchases and comparison shop. Unlimited time in the dressing room, lingering moments in the aisles of the music stores, and even the occasional trip to the food court for some sinful (and repulsive) indulgence.
With 42 minutes of reasonable, tantrum-free time allotted, the speed of your stroller is tested as you hit the three designated stores you’ve mapped out in order of child tolerance (the last being the most tolerant, as you’ll inevitably be approaching your deadline for meltdowns). You grab clothes that look like your size and seem to look good on the mannequin as you parlay snacks, toys, and bribes to maintain the all too temporary calm. You swerve by annoying vendors and resist the urge to buy something at the food court that you’ll eat so fast you won’t actually taste, while still reaping the benefits of high fat, high calorie foods. You may actually manage to return something, but only if there is no line and they’re willing to accept a receipt that’s been stained by a leaking sippy cup. Oh, and the music in the mall is merely a fading soundtrack of your crumbling mission.
At no point do you use the bathroom....bladder infections be damned.
I'm 32, a dad, and I am not a douchebag...
6 years ago