The Top 10 Things I Learned This Week: (It was a very educational week!)
10) When changing your husband’s ring tone, avoid choosing “My Humps”, especially when he has an important meeting with his boss.
9) Graffeeti sneakers also make great gifts for husbands who need to be reminded of certain things, like calling when they’re going to be late, commenting on your new, post-stomach virus figure, and the fact that decks are fun (shout out to Precision Exteriors).
8) When you start to hear pregnancy announcements from a lot of different people, stop drinking the water...I’ve heard it’s contagious (I’m all about green tea and bottled water right now)
7) If you are invited to a baby shower, wait until after the event takes place to reveal your fabulous ideas for presents. (I had to resort to Plan B, which I’ll reveal at some point in the future….)
6) If, in the spirit of April Fool’s, you post your husband’s Mike Schmidt autographed baseball bat on Craig’s List, prepare for some pretty tempting offers.
5) Whether your children are 18 months, or 18 years, at some point they’re going to let you get a good night sleep. I hope.
4) If you agree on a push present, get it in writing (and consider having it notarized just to be sure).
3) If you really want to make sure your son is going to endure playground taunts, name him Shaya.
2) Virginia is for lovers (and for rage-filled, depressed “millionairesses” who wear diamonds on their middle fingers).
1) If you endure the pain of a stomach virus make sure you (1) take advantage of your husband’s turn as sole caregiver, (2) catch up on sleep, and (3) spend some quality time with Dora (or any other stuffed, television character that usually sleeps with your child).
I'm 32, a dad, and I am not a douchebag...
6 years ago