Monday, January 26, 2009

The Newest Mom Must Have

I realize this is a little late as far as news goes, but it wasn't until I read the complete list of specs on the new presidential limosuine that I decided this needed to be my next mom mobile.

In case you have not treated yourself to a perusal of the most pimped ride, let me break it down for you.

Considered a rolling tank with windows, the "Cadillac One" (a spin off Air Force One and the car's maker) is the ultimate vehicle for both luxury and security. Also, known as "The Beast", the Obama ride has:
  • Escalade headlights flanked by Caddy's corporate grille and a set of taillights pulled from the STS,

  • 8in thick armor-plated doors (each weighing the same as a cabin door on a Boeing 757)

  • an independent oxygen supply

  • advanced fire-fighting system located in the boot, pump-action shotguns, night-vision cameras and tear-gas cannons,

  • Obama’s own personal storage of blood

  • Kevlar-reinforced tires that are puncture and shred-resistant (in other words, airless)

  • special steel wheels that can drive without the tire attached.

The car cannot go above 60 miles an hour, large in part to the fact that it weighs 22,000 pounds (the average mid-sized sedan weighs around 3,000).

Now, aside from the fact that the limo cost a measley $500,000, I've been campaigning pretty hard to wrangle one of these little machines for myself. My husband has always been concerned with driver safety and I'd be willing to bet he can't find anything quite comparable. Also, to make it more family friendly, we could replace the shot guns, tear gas, and other arms with things like an automatic Purell squirt sanitizer, a bubble blower (to keep them awake), and maybe even circus peanut maker (but that is just a personal preference).

I could also do without the blood supply and would instead replace the liquid storage ammenity with with Motts for Tots or alcohol (depending on how effective the bubble blower was). Yes, I would have my own driver.

SO, feel free to shoot my husband an email in support of my campaign, I know he'd love to hear from you.


Julie Weaver said...

Oh well, I guess he'll be safe in it.

Amanda said...

I would keep the shotguns and cannons for the never-ending traffic jams on the BHP in township