The Olympics

I have to admit that my adult years as a follower of the Olympics have been minimal. I vaguely remember seeing some swim event in Athens, and anything after that was something I clicked by during a commercial.

HOWEVER, now that parenthood has left my social calendar all but empty, I have been following this year's events very closely.

Observations:

1) Michael Phelps and his quest for Olympic gold history is absolutely enthralling. That, coupled with the fact that he is my "type" (tall, lanky, and adorably dorky), means I have been following his races like some kind of swimming enthusiast....too bad I still refuse to don a bathing suit in front of anyone I actually know (shout out to everyone at Cade's birthday party).

2) Despite that whole bad rap over crimes against humanity, the Chinese have done right by the Olympics in all its beautiful ceremony. From a kimono-clad beauty handing a towel to a beach volley baller to the opening ceremony I actually watched for more than a minute, they certainly know how to put on a good show.

3) I don't hate the commentators....and Matt Lauer certainly helps that cause (Did I mention my predilection for the dorky population?)

All of this got me thinking...I know I could totally bring some medals home for the good old USA if they finally realized true genius in something I really consider a competitive sport.

I give you: the MOM Olympics

My areas of excellence:

1) The Mom Triatholon- The race begins with competing moms pushing a double stroller through 27 staggered clothing racks. Then, they follow with a 50 yard dash while carrying a 24 lb baby doll, a 15 lb diaper bag, and (miraculously) full bladders. Finally, the race ends with moms hiking up an enormous mound of toys with only one Wii at the top...for the victor.

2) Mind Gymnastics- (Because, let's face it...few of us would dare wear a uni-tard) A Jeopardy like competition where moms are asked about complete names of immunizations, quizzed about the endless theories of child rearing, and questioned about every possible illness your child could contract from the grubby kid who always wants to play.

3) Morning Individual Medley- This competition begins before the sun is up and requires un-caffinated mothers to prepare a breakfast with aforementioned baby doll in hand, another, larger doll clinging to your leg, a husband constantly knocking into you as he desperately searches for his wallet/keys/blackberry, the phone ringing, the dog barking, and a voice lecturing from an overhead speaker about the grave importance of a well-balanced meal, vitamins, and school preparedness. This event is timed and scored using a points system that evaluates speed, efficiency, and your own level of sanity.

Please feel free to let me know if I missed any events....