The Top Five Things I Have Learned This Week…
5) If you admit you have saggy skin worthy of a Guinness Book of World Record entry, people are going to want to see it.
4) If you are going to run to catch the ringing phone before it wakes up the baby, take off the damn “Step Up Shoes”.
3) If you choose to make an enemy out of a celebrity (her name rhymes with Steminer Flopez), make sure you avoid a closeted Scientologist…the cult will come after you.
2) Though new children’s television shows will come and go, Barney the God forsaken purple dinosaur will endure to annoy parents and invite parody. (Would you believe he has been around for 20 years??!! Would someone please explain what it means to be extinct to this knucklehead already!? Geez.).
1) Though, at times, I might miss how my life used to be so free and easy before kids, there is nothing more rewarding (or fashionable) than being a parent. But, please, a tooth…my God, one tooth!!
I'm 32, a dad, and I am not a douchebag...
6 years ago