Wednesday, March 5, 2008

File This Under: Too Much Information

I realize that many of you reading this have endured the trials of pregnancy, delivered your children, and have since returned to your original, pre-pregnant figure. For those people, please know that bad things will come to you (they have to!!!!).

For me, I have had some unique struggles. Having always had what may be considered a smaller frame, my first pregnancy provided what many would consider a circus attraction for the kind citizens of Philadelphia. You see, my first child was over ten pounds. Now that certainly qualifies as a big baby, and when you put that size on a small-framed person, the result is a freak of nature and, for some reason, everyone felt completely comfortable commenting on my ridiculously large belly.

Some of my favorite reactions:

1) My father wondered allowed how I managed to stay upright and not tip over.
2) A former student would offer to “butter” my classroom door frame so I could effectively squeeze in and out.
3) A well-meaning old man inquired as to when the twins were due.
4) Two strangers dining at Marathon Grill on 16th Street were so shocked by my size, they openly gawked and pointed from the window by which they dined.
5) A Termini Brothers employee at Reading Terminal questioned, “When was your due date?”, when I was only seven months pregnant.

And my personal favorite:

6) Another former student used to chirp, “Beep, beep”, any time I backed up.

So where does that leave me after two “healthy sized” children? Well, I managed to shed much of the weight I happily gained in my nine months, but I am left with one wonderful reminder of my time of internment.

Not stretch marks.
Not a C-section scar.
Not even issues concerning the unmentionables.

My own little present: excessive skin that is so saggy, it hangs like a canopy over my belly-button. Worried about too much sun this summer? Feel free kneel in front of me…at least I’ll be providing a public service.

Now, my pride (and concern for the well-being of small children who might unintentionally see it) prevents me from posting a picture of my stomach, so I found a pretty accurate comparison so you can see what I am dealing with.

Hence: The picture above.

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