Out of the Mouths of Babes

My daughter just told me hay is for horses.


I love preschool.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

My 3 year old nephew refers to gymnastics as:

"Gymnasties"

Out of the Mouths of Babes

My daughter calls her nostrils .....

"Nose Balls".

Out of the Mouths of Babes

O says to me:

"Oh Mommy, you look beautiful!"

"Thanks, Pud."

"You look just like Miss Hannigan!"

And I thought we were finally out of the Annie phase....

Out of the Mouths of Babes: Women Beware

My own daughter is constantly making observations that are as funny as they are surprising. Her most recent area of interest, however, is loudly identifying women she believes to be "with child".

Dangerous territory.

Author Dave Barry once quipped, "You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment." The point is: some women have periods of bloat, while others may be battling the bulge, and that being said, it is never safe to assume a baby is on the way. If I suspect a woman is pregnant, I'll slyly remark with a smile, "And so what is new with you?" This suggests I already know, without committing me to any assessment that may be incorrect.

Again, in cases such as these, discretion is lost on a 3 year old.

My daughter's newest interest started with women simply rubbing their bellies. I know she used to see me do this all the time with my son, and so I get the correlation. Unfortunately, now any woman with even the slightest bulge (I mean slightest) are fair game.

At first I tried to awkwardly excuse the statement. Then I pretended not to hear and hightail it out of the woman's vicinity. I later would "clairfy" what I wanted the victim to hear by saying, "No, that's not a baby....that's a woman".

And then I came up with something that actually works (for now).

I told my daughter that a woman with a baby in her belly is keeping the best kind of secret. Sooooo...if you see a pregnant mommy, you should whisper it to me to make sure we keep the secret.

A rare moment of genius for me.....until the approach wears off some time next week.

Out of the Mouths of Babes: A Tribute

Children are brutally honest.

I can't tell you how many kids have inquired about the "spots" speckling my face and arms...a constant reminder of my freckles, which I honestly forget I have.

And when it comes to hearing funny stories about kids, most of them have to do with the wacky things they say and the subsequent wonderings as to where they came up with it.

One of my favorite kids is a little girl who has provided more than a few laughs through her verbal observations. From comparing people in the supermarket to zoo animals, to asking why other people were the "interesting" shape they are, little Jessica has provided more than a few awkward moments for her mother...and too many laughs for all of us lucky enough to hear the weekly stories.

One of my favorites:

Jessica, her mother, and her infant sister (hard at work on a teether) are waiting in a Target checkout line with all the goodies you never actually go to Target to buy, but find yourself throwing in the cart as you accidentally meander through the aisles.

All is well with the family and, during this moment of idleness, little Jessica's eyes fall on the checkout woman who is donning her trademark red shirt, a very long pony tail, and a happy demeanor all around. She is the complete personnel package....minus one, little thing.

She has no front teeth.

Though I am not an anti-Dentite, I do know that dental maintenance varies as much from personal hygiene as it does insurance plans and so, like most adults, we are not judging on this one.

Such discretion, however, escapes a 3 year old.

As the family begins to pile the day's purchases on the conveyor belt, little Jessica's eyes remain steadfast on the toothless smile. Her eyes are curious, her mind is brewing. But alas, her mother (so happy to have had a peaceful shopping experience) fails to catch on to her daughter's consternation, and hums a little song as the infant child chomps along on her teething ring.

The purchases are quickly scanned and bagged as the efficient and pleasant cashier makes cordial smalltalk. And, just as the bill is paid, the woman smiles at the drooling baby and says,

"Well, it looks like someone is about to get some teeth!"

At this moment, all but Jessica share a knowing chuckle over the adorable baby.

"But, when are you going to get your teeth?" she innocently inquires.

The mother freezes, the hum of Target shoppers screech to a halt, and all eyes turn on the dentally impaired.

"Oh honey, as soon as I get me some money."

Nervous chuckles and a swift shopping cart maneuver finds the mother and her daughters exiting the store, swearing that the new Target closer to home better open soon.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Every night, before she goes to bed and after she completes her bedtime routine of bathing, teeth brushing, and reading, my daughter recites her bedtime prayers.

The prayer is a simple blessing followed by a list of "special prayers" she wants God to hear. These "special prayers" usually involve getting to play or swim the following day, having a good night sleep, and, always, without fail, ends with:

"And please let Daddy not go to work tomorrow."

And it never gets old. It is as sweet as it is sad, and it serves to remind us of the larger than life role we play in our children's lives.

We could kiss her goodnight forever.

And then, as we quietly say our final goodnights and slowly close her bedroom door, she proceeds to belt out "Tomorrow" and "Hard-Knock Life" for the next 2o minutes.

Amen.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

While driving past a very well known dining establishment on Egg Harbor Road in Washington Township, NJ, my daughter noticed the iron bars that fence in the outdoor eating area.

She remarked, "Mommy, is that the zoo?"

How could I resist?

I whispered to myself, "Only if you're single."

Out of the Mouths of Babes

Upon asking her always picky eater what she would like to have for lunch, her daughter replied,

"Aw, Mama. I just had dinner last week."

Imagine!

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

In keeping with the latest trends in Parent/Child communication theories, I try not to use the word "no" more than a thousand times a day. Though requests for chocolate treats, trips to the zoo, and gluing things to her brother's head usually require a negative response, I have been trying to make a better go of positively declining her varied petitions.

Examples include:

"May I have some Italian Ice?"
"Yes, as soon as you finish your dinner"

"May I watch a show"
"Of course you can, when it's time for Mommy to start dinner."

"May I put a boogie on Daddy's pillow"
"As often as you like."

But, there are some occasions when nothing works better than a direct, no nonsense, "no".

Examples include:

"No, you may not paint the refrigerator"

"No, you are not allowed to go get Bama*" (Bama lives in Virginia)

"No, you may not put Joseph in the washer or dryer."

Unfortunately, my inventiveness in using and not using the word "no" may have rubbed off on my daughter. Yesterday, I asked her is she would "please stop climbing on the coffee table".

She responded:

"No. With a no, no, here; and a no, no there. Here a no, there a no, everywhere a no, no...".

I think my mother's long standing wish that I have a daughter just like me is now starting to materialize....

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

I actually asked my finicky daughter what she might like to eat for breakfast this morning. Her response?

"Eggs, bacon, and yogurt. But, Mama, NOOOOO paint."

Glad we cleared that up.

And either my cooking has really gotten bad, or I am devoting more time than I thought in trying to keep things out of her little brother's mouth.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

In an attempt to lure his daughter to the lunch table, the father tempted his daughter with,

"Hey, look at this pickle!"

To which the little girl responded,

"Wow, Daddy, it looks just like you!"

(Spoken by Olivia, age 2 1/2)

Have your kids said something funny? Send it to: dalessandrochristine@gmail.com

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

"Bama (aka Grandma), the more I am with you, the more I miss you when we leave."

-Ellie, age 6

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

After reading some stories before naptime to her two small children, the mother told the older she was off to put the younger to sleep, but would be back shortly to read one more book, Horton Hatches an Egg.

When she returned as promised, the little girl exclaimed,

“Mommy, you came back!!! I’m so proud of you…100%!”

Out of the Mouths of Babes

After the morning was spent baking the birthday cake, the little girl went to bed knowing the best was yet to come: decorating it. She awoke as if never having slept, hurried down the stairs, and gasped as she caught sight of the cake, raised high on a platter in all its glory. Unable to contain her excitement, she exclaimed,

“Hi cake, it’s me… Olivia. You are so beautiful.”

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

In honor of this snowy, sleepy day...a two-for-one:

Upon examining the contents of her little potty, two year old Olivia declares,

“Hmmm….no poo poos, only boogies.”

She then watches Mommy empty the contents into the big potty and, after helping to flush, salutes,

“Bye pee pees…Happy Valentine’s Day!”

Send your favorite kid speak to:
dalessandrochristine@gmail.com

Out of the Mouths of Babes

“Paca teeth out. Me no like that.”

(Connor, age 2, spoken to his father after brushing his teeth and remembering seeing his "Paca" remove his dentures.)

Share your kids funniest comments; send them to: dalessandrochristine@gmail.com

Out of the Mouths of Babes...

"My dad...he's a good man."

-Olivia, age 2; said as she was being tucked in for bed by her grandmother (and well before her pacifier was lost).

Send in your favorite "kid-isms" (along with a brief explanation), to dalessandrochristine@gmail.com