I Couldn't Make This Up...

For those of you who have been embarrassed by something your child has said or done in public, know that you (and your reactions) are in good company on this blog. For the next installment of “I Couldn’t Make This Story Up”, I give to you one of the more unbelievable stories I’ve heard. This was told to me by a friend who will remain anonymous… but who happens to be a supremely fabulous mother, and handled this crazy situation much better than I ever would have.

Here we go…”Little Boy” is the shining star of his Gymboree class. He smiles and laughs with everyone, and, in turn, everyone loves him for the little charmer he is, and for the ladies man he is certain to become. On one particular day, his equally charming mother was sitting with him on the group mat, waiting for class to begin. She was soon joined by another mother, who was new and appeared somewhat apprehensive over deciding to bring her daughter to class. No, she wasn’t anxious about what her daughter was wearing, how her child might behave, or even the superbug; rather, her daughter had a serious medical condition that had, up until this point, really hampered her ability to socialize with other children.

The little girl had a depressed chin which impeded the normal development of her throat and esophagus while in utero. As a result, a tracheotomy tube had been implanted in her throat to allow for sufficient breathing until the time her throat properly developed, at which point it would be removed (between ages 2-3). To make the mother feel comfortable, the charming mother struck up a friendly conversation with the nervous woman, and before long she appeared more relaxed and open to this new experience.

Class began. The children sang, marched, and played instruments. The class was happy, the class was cooperative, and, finally, the class was over.

As the two mothers shared goodbyes, the obvious relief of the nervous mother was apparent to all, and the charming mother felt glad she’d played such a positive role in helping that to happen. However, as is typical with the hustle and bustle of packing up things and putting on coats, the children got a little shuffled in the mix and attention was suspended for but a moment…(prepare yourself…here it comes).

As the charming mother looked down to collect her charming boy, she realized with horror and disbelief that her little darling had, in all his curiosity, removed the trach tube from the little girl’s throat.

A moment of brief hysteria followed while the other mother quickly reattached it and the daughter was checked for any apparent harm. Thankfully, all was healed and everything was okay…except, of course, for the raw mortification felt by the charming mother who mustered all that she had to simply say,

“I’m so sorry”.

I Couldn't Make This Up...

So this story comes thanks to one of my most fabulous friends, Stacey, and her beautiful daughter. To say Stacey’s daughter is a little advanced is to say Brittney Spears is a little troubled and the following story is great evidence of her intelligence.

Here it goes…A not so fond memory of Stacey’s childhood comes from her mother’s insistence of referring to the female “nether regions” as one’s “kitty”…an obvious analogy to a harsher term. “Did you hurt your kitty?” “Did you take care of your kitty?” “Don’t even think about letting anyone near your kitty!” Needless to say, she always used the term to discuss the ins, outs, and troubles of said anatomy…even in polite company. The result: mortification for Stacey with a promise to never use anything but accurate language when it came to similar discussions she would inevitably have with her own daughter.

Then one day….Stacey’s mother was to spend the day babysitting her daughter, at which point Stacey reiterated her wishes to only refer to girl parts by their accurate, technical, scientific name…and not the dreaded “kitty”. She laid down the law to her mother and went on her way, leaving her darling sponge of a daughter with her mother.

Upon her return, everything seemed fine and well and she thanked her mother for her care. However (you must know what’s coming…) later that evening, Stacey’s daughter followed her into the bathroom as she was often want to do (curiosity is a constant companion of cleverness). As Stacey prepared to use the bathroom, her daughter stared at her – wide eyed and full of wonderment—smiled, pointed to her female anatomy and said, “Meow”.

Lesson: No matter what kind of mother you may be, you can’t change your own.